{"id":2660,"date":"2015-07-20T00:00:41","date_gmt":"2015-07-20T07:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/?p=2660"},"modified":"2015-07-20T00:00:41","modified_gmt":"2015-07-20T07:00:41","slug":"what-do-i-stand-for-i-dont-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/2015\/07\/20\/what-do-i-stand-for-i-dont-know\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;What do I stand for? I don&#8217;t know&#8230;&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Why am I here? Why do I deserve to exist?<\/p>\n<p>Yes, I\u2019m one of those young guys\u2014now not so young, as I watch the last grains swirl through the hourglass of my thirties\u2014who\u2019s always been given to asking these questions. You know those guys, the ones to whom people give Rainer Maria Rilke quotes on cards for high school graduation. It\u2019s all kind of tedious\u2014but fine, so be it. Aspire to the words of Chuck D: <em>One\u00a0in one million residents\/Be a dissident\/Who ain\u2019t\u00a0kissin\u2019 it.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Professional I\u2019ve tried to translate my hierarchy of values like this:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I want to be a good man (to lead a just, meaningful, and useful life)<\/li>\n<ul>\n<li>\u2026by helping others<\/li>\n<ul>\n<li>\u2026by <a href=\"http:\/\/blogs.adobe.com\/jnack\/about\">unblocking the light<\/a> of their creativity &amp; expressiveness<\/li>\n<ul>\n<li>\u2026by building software they love.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/ul>\n<\/ul>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Now, though, that\u2019s at best what my lawyer friends might call \u201cnecessary but not sufficient.\u201d I catch myself wandering far out on the leaves of that tree, far from the trunk, wondering why I don\u2019t get closer to the action of <em>being good &amp; helping others<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>None of this is new to me. Three years ago, for example, I <a href=\"http:\/\/blogs.adobe.com\/jnack\/2012\/02\/reflections-on-guatemala-or-whats-in-a-pen.html\">spent a little time in a Guatemalan orphanage<\/a>, hoping to help others a bit and at least improve myself, deepening my perspective and gratitude. But damn if it all isn\u2019t some abortive feint\u2014some vanity inoculation against the sense of having to do anything material. Back I come into my regular world, which takes hold, submerges me\u2026 <em>Never again is what you swore the time before<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>But not this time, mofo (I say to the mirror). Not this time.\u00a0I am not going to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/pin\/104427285086803922\/\">blow my life<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The search is on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why am I here? Why do I deserve to exist? Yes, I\u2019m one of those young guys\u2014now not so young, as I watch the last grains swirl through the hourglass of my thirties\u2014who\u2019s always been given to asking these questions. You know those guys, the ones to whom people give Rainer Maria Rilke quotes on [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2660"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2660"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2660\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2661,"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2660\/revisions\/2661"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2660"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2660"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jnack.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}