by Scruff

Now look, my friends don't exactly call me Joe Angry, but there is something I have to get off my chest. It's the campus music scene! It really sucks! I am so sick of these bands sucking up to the stupid drunks with their sucky, stupid renditions of sucky, stupid, drunken songs. Listen up, people. We need to start challenging the audience. We need more incoherent vocals. We need more discordant feedback. I mean, what's the challenge in enjoyable, fun music? The hell with fun. I'm pissed off, alienated and alternative and I won't stop until everybody feels the same way. TECHNO IS THE FUTURE. We need more Block Rocking Beats. Let us all gather round with our homebrews and stare meaningfully at the lo-fi indie rock bursting out of our CD player as we wonder to ourselves, what does it all mean? Where is the lone voice crying out in the night for social justice? Where is the love - oh, sorry. Each song is a piece of a human heart. We should all watch quietly as it falls on the ground and lies there, dripping in its blood. We should all listen to Tori Amos when she talks about being a Cornflake Girl. Those are words to live by, people. As the Smashing Pumpkins once said, the world is a vampire. Let us all act accordingly.

You know, I woke up last night and started thinking about how my college years are going to end soon. That will really suck. You'd think that I would miss the education. But you would be wrong. That's the irony of it all. Because it's an educational institution, right? You see the irony here? I'll miss my friends. And what great friends they are. I mean, I'll treasure every moment when we watched 'Seinfeld' together and then quoted 'Seinfeld' together. Those were good times. Remember when Dave got wasted at the Backer and threw up on everybody last year? That was funny. We take it for granted now, but when we're off in the working world getting drunk and throwing up on strangers, we will look back at the times we threw up on our friends and think, 'I really miss those times we threw up on our friends.' That will really suck. So let us pledge to watch television and get drunk as much as we can for the remainder of the year. Let us also remember to gather in our rooms and whine about the University for as long as we can. It's better than sleeping. You can't whine in your sleep. When we go off into the world, we won't be able to whine about our jobs. I mean, you'll get fired and all. That will really suck. So, let us pledge to drink, watch TV and whine as much as we can this year. Cause soon we'll have to work. And that will really suck.