SOUTH BEND --- University Officials announced today that, beginning in October, Saint Mary's Lake would be renovated and modernized. The $426 million project will begin on the weekend of the Stanford game.

"We really felt the lake was starting to fall apart," commented Steven Babel, Director of University Advancement, "some of the pathways have eroded and the flora was really getting out of hand. It was time for a change."

The project will begin by draining the lake entirely and constructing a 15 foot concrete embankment around the current perimeter. This will allow the heavy loaders to dig the new bed for the lake, which will be a perfect oval, exactly one mile in circumference, to assist joggers in timing themselves.

The highlight of the project will be the addition of a 400,000 square foot auxillary bookstore which will be located in the center of the new lake. "Every attempt will be made to preserve the traditional atmosphere of the Lake area," Babel explained.

"In fact, with all of your favorite Notre Dame TM merchandise available in the center of the lake, your contemplative walk will be even more pleasant." A bridge from the Old College area of the shore to the new bookstore will be comprised of over 95 tons of concrete, making it the heaviest single section of sidewalk on campus, a distinction formerly held by the new stadium's upper concourse. Under current construction plans, the promenade around the bookstore's fourth level would become the highest point on campus, eclipsing both the Dome and the Cross atop the Basilica. However, plans are now being made to jack those structures up another eight feet, at a cost of just 21 million dollars, to ensure that they remain the highest points on campus. "We think that shows just how committed we are to the traditions of Notre Dame, Our Mother," explained executive vice-president Father William Beauchamp C.S.C. "The beautiful walkway will be dedicated to Our Risen Savior and inscribed with a passage from Luke's Gospel, probably 12:16," Beauchamp revealed. Raising the two buildings is expected to make them unavailable from the Fall of 2000 to the Spring of 2003. Functions traditionally performed by these buildings, such as administrative offices, the marching band concert and weddings will be moved into Flanner Hall. In a move that some may call controversial, the name "St. Mary's Lake" will be abandoned and replaced. It is not yet clear who will be purchasing the naming rights. University President Edward Malloy commented, "While we revere our traditions at Notre Dame, we must change with the times to remain competitive. Unfortunately, Ave Marie Press just doesn't have the funds to keep the lake." About one hundred trees will have to be removed to accommodate the passage of construction equipment in and out of the lake bed. "We think there's a good chance of putting at least twelve of them back when we're finished," promised Babel. The prosaic, but still popular gravel paths around the lake will be replaced with a concrete sidewalk with an interlocking brick pattern on the edges. One half of the sidewalk will be covered with a reinforced state-of-the-art rubber track, staggered with six lanes, to further facilitate recreational running. Director Babel was not giving everything away, but a highly placed sourced indicated that newer, whiter swans would be on display at the lake's grand opening in 2001. The hill across from the Grotto where Holy Cross Hall used to be located will be leveled to make room for the "Hesburgh Institute of Continuing University Centers," due in late December 1999. The lake project is among the largest in the University's history and Administration Officials are pointing to this as a sign of the University's commitment to becoming a world-class educational center. In a move reminiscent of Super Bowl III. Provost Nathan Hatch "guaranteed" a four to six place rise in the U.S. News and World Report Rankings as a result of the lake improvement. "While the project will take a four years to complete, we believe this will catapult us to a top ten ranking in the first five years of the next millennium" Hatch proclaimed. Comments from the class of 2001, who will only see the lake for one month of their four years at Notre Dame were not released by the University. The Grotto itself will be unavailable for all of 1999, as a 90 foot crane will be occupying its present location in order to position the foundation for the new bookstore outlet "On the Lake."