The announcement of the 37th annual An Tostal this week brought back fond memories from some alumni.

"Yes, the orgy on South Quad was just the beginning," said Gary Caruso '72. "It's made me what I am. By the way, have I told you about myself lately? I'm--" [Editors' Note: at this point Caruso was savagely beaten and left for dead by the entire Inquisition staff.]

The festival reflects a 1946 event in Dublin that took place in order to save the country from its dismal attitude and/or potato famine. Original activities for the week-long event included the aforementioned orgy, a freebasing competition, a drunken brawl, ethnic cleansing and a rock festival.

Ice cream was provided to ten students near LaFortune at 2pm.

"This is great!" stated freshman Fred Bush. "Ice cream! For a mere $60 in student activity fees! Plus, I get the Observer! What do you think those gay guys are up to this time?"

The rock festival was the first to go in 1974 for lack of tact. Liability issues ended the freebasing competition in 1982. The drunken brawl ended in 1983 when a squirrel was bruised and the Humane Society became involved. The ethnic cleansing was ended in 1984, although the administration allowed the students to continue to assault people for the poor quality of their preaching.

Today, the tradition proudly continues with a guy jumping up and down with a wacky hat from 4 to 5:30 PM this Thursday on Fieldhouse Mall. Also, the AnTostal coordinator will be showing a video of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" to his friends in his dorm room sometime this weekend.

The remaining $23,000 will be spent on Matt Griffin's "Jeremy Lingenfelser is a tool" gala, which will feature Matt, his girlfriend, Brendan Kelly, his girlfriend, a large quantity of beer and the knowledge that Jeremy can never have anything like that.