The JACC -- In an impressive display of solidarity last week, the Notre Dame boxing club indicated that they approved of themselves tremendously, as well as those who have gone before them.

"I broke both my hands, see," said Ryan Rans, President of the NDBC, "Both of them. That shows my dedication. I am a fine human being and a credit to this sacred University."

The display was prompted by a letter in the campus' other newspaper, The Observer, in which the author indicated that "Strong Bodies Fight For Warm Letter Jackets" and that boxers were motivated primarily by the opportunity to knock someone's block off and secondarily by the opportunity to have sex with attractive women shortly thereafter.

"I thought maybe I could get some sympathy when some boxer kicked my ass," said the letter's author, Fred Bush of Sorin Hall. "But they just went on and on about the poor people and how disappointed they were and stuff like that. They're a bunch of wusses. Can I have my retainer back, guys?"

The display of self-affirmance continued for several days, as more and more boxers wrote in, testifying to their goodness, interpersed by musical selections from Kathie Lee Gifford and John Tesh .

"We are boxers and boxers are great!" wrote one disgruntled Bengal Bouter. "We earn lots of money for the missions in New Jersey and we deserve the nice jackets. Most of us do not get jackets because we are rendered mentally incompetent by the beatings we receive in the ring. I would like to see Mr. Bush become mentally incompetent. Then we will give him a jacket, and all will be well."

"We are, for the most part, athletic, resilient young men. We have large arms and firm buttocks to offer you. Those are our talents. We will not have a bake sale. You, Mr. Bush, will bake. What more does Mr. Bush ask from us?" asked Seamus K. Murphy, rhetorically.

Other Bouters expressed similar sentiments. "I challenge Fred Bush to come down into the boxing room, where he has probably never been, and receive the beating of his life from us boxers. Perhaps then he will see the faces of those poor refugees from Bengalia, or wherever, and understand how hard we work to work so hard."

"Only 1% of all men can lift their body weight: are you a man?", added the late bodybuilder Father BHB Lange, CSC.

The Observer tried to reach authentic Bengalians for their response, but they were busy fighting off scurvy. A spokesman from Holy Cross Missions did assure the Observer that they appreciated the injuries of the students, and think about them every day.

Bush declined to be interviewed for this story, as he is now the love slave of several of the friskier Bouters, who have tied him up in their dorm rooms to use for their every erotic pleasure. "It's only fair," explained Murphy. "We're bigger than he is. Cute little guy, isnt he?"