PALO ALTO -- In a recent study of standardized tests, leading sociologists at Stanford University have revealed an intrinsic bias against stupid and uneducated people.

"We found a shockingly tight correspondence between intelligence and test-taking success," said Garry Gygax, founder of the President's Commission to Investigate Bias in Higher Education.

The study showed that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to select correct answers to multiple choice questions such as those on the SAT, LSAT and GRE.
"Clearly, this finding will provide vital guidance in how to eliminate such bias in future educational tests," Gygax continued. "Obviously, the test we studied will need to be completely revamped, hopefully until everyone who takes the test receives a fair--and by 'fair' I mean 'identical'--score."

Gygax's partner Jim Weiss was despondent at the results, but had to say, "I told you so," when he saw them. "I told you so," said Weiss. "Four years ago I recommended that the LSAT be scored from a minimum score of 10 to a maximum score of 10. That would have provided a bias free test for sure. But they didn't listen and now thousands of stupid, ignorant people have been denied access to first-class education."

The National Association of Woefully Ignorant and Academically Untalented People issued a statement praising the Stanford researchers.

"Yes," The statement read, "We get more for us when you're biases are show up for what they have been all along, vicious attempts to harm the ignerant and enhance the hedgemony of riches people. We say to you're tests: Nun of the Above!"

"Down with The Man!" the statement concluded.

The Inquisition will be adopting a bias-free test for its writers immediately. The test will consist of one question: "Do you want to write for us?" If you give the correct answer ("No"), you will be given unlimited space on our site.