BELGRADE -- The most shocking allegation yet of the Bosnia War Crimes Tribunal was disclosed today at the United Nations. Signed depositions of 35 survivors revealed that the KeyBank ATM at the death camps only dispense $20 bills. The horror continues unabated.

In an emotional day of testimony, one of the survivors detailed the agony she went through. "It took me really long to get Snapple at the gift shop," said Katrina Schiebel as tears streamed down her face.

Another survivor discussed her hours on the torture rack unable to enjoy the sweet pleasure of Drumstick. "They demanded I buy at least $2.00 in goods before they would make change, and a Drumstick is only 99 cents," explained Heturina MacKenzie. "Who the fuck do they think they are?"

In defense, Bosnia leader Slobodan Milosevic stated that he was only following orders from KeyCorp of Cleveland, Ohio. In response to the allegations, Secretary of State Madeline Albright ordered an immediate nuclear attack on Bosnia as well as the re-ignition of the Cuyahoga River.

More fireworks are promised for tomorrow, such as the evidence revealing that the weather in the death camp was really bad and the allegations of a feud between the girls in the co-ed death camp and the girls in the single-sex death camp across the street.

When reached for comment, Nadia Fuller and Olga Syner stated in unison: "They were never accepted to our death camp, yet they use our gas chambers. What parasites."