"I think taking this action is my last, best hope to help Notre Dame," said Colleto.

"For every team that improves in college football, a team must take a step back. Someone has to coach those teams and apparently, I am that man."

Bob Davie indicated that even though Colleto had not been allowed to call plays or coach players for several months, he still thought Colleto should remain here.

"Notre Dame does not discriminate against its bad coaches and I do not want to be sued again. So I emphasize that at no time was Colleto suspended, although the poor quality of his pre-game speeches did play a role in our decisions to use his play-calls less and less."

Colleto fought back tears as he described the cheering crowds that lined the roads as he drove out of West Lafayette and indicated that he expected a bigger turnout for the Notre Dame departure. "Nobody has wins until someone has losses. This applies to you, even if you don't agree with me. I am proud of my minority position as a born loser and I need all of you in the majority of people who win, or at least want to win. Without your help, I will never be considered equal to other, more successful coaches." The announcement was met by cries of "discrimination" from coaches at other schools, particularly those on Notre Dame's schedule. "We're not looking forward to passing plays on passing downs, or a team that consistently blocks around the goal line. It is Notre Dame's turn to take Colleto," said USC coach John Robinson. "We don't think it's fair they should have only good coaches. Holtz had Foge Fazio, Chuck Noll had Joe Walton, Davie should have Jim Colletto by his side to create the tragic flaw in this epic Greek poem we call Notre Dame football. On second thought, Davie should have Walton. I mean, what is he doing today?" asked Robinson. "Not too damn much," said Walton from the counter of the Beaver Falls Stop-N-Go." After we spoke with Walton, we flew back to Los Angeles and continued our conversation with Robinson, who had been waiting patiently at his desk for over 12 hours. "We were glad they fired Joe Moore and expelled Cooper Rego. That was the kind of discrimination we can all be proud of." There are no plans to fire Greg Mattison because he's actually Mike Burdorf's dad.