I for one have a real problem with the University of Notre Dame. That fact alone should make the University completely invalid. But let me go on.

I look around and see what this great university has been reduced to. If you ask me, it's nothing more than a great big pile of stinking, maggot-infested poop. I wonder why anyone would freely choose to endure its tortures. My father was subjected to beatings and rapes on a daily basis for two years in Nam. Notre Dame is much worse.

I saw them tear down Grace and Flanner. I saw them expand the stadium. Basically, I saw them do the exact opposite of what I wanted. That's hypocritical and also ironic. Also bizarre and hurtful.

In the past few months, I have seen tension everywhere. Although this tension was created by students, I do not blame the students themselves. That would be trite. I blame "them."

And who is "them"? It's the administration. It's the student government. It's the student leaders. It's Jeff Jeffers, the Dean of Local Sports (he's been sending me messages through the TV). It's a consortium of 300 bankers and industrialists trying to manipulate our gold supply. I blame "them" for whining all day and doing nothing. That's why I put off my Core paper to write this column. Look at the apathy that pervades this campus. Go ahead and tell yourself that it is just as spirited a community as it was before I started to write this column fifteen minutes ago. You could try, but you would fail. Miserably. Because I said so. I really don't care anymore, because I hate each and every one of you. I don't have to put up with these parking tickets or the registrar. I HATE YOU! Every time you make things better, you make things worse. You attempted to give us a bigger stadium, when, in fact, we have a smaller stadium. That's just one example. I can think of more, but I don't want to, because I hate you. Oh, I thought of another. Clamping down on underage drinking. Where the hell do you get off, enforcing Indiana Code? Next thing you know, they'll be telling us that no really means no, when in fact, it means yes. Idiots. I have an idea. Why don't you show me you can accomplish more than a substanceless vote? Why don't you give me everything I want? Why are you so stupid? Wake up, University bureaucracy, before what you wake up to is an empty campus. And you know why it will be empty? Because you clamped down on underage drinking, you assholes. I hate you so fucking much. I want to throw up.