HELL --- The editor-in-chief of Notre Dame's conservative student newspaper was cast into Gehenna yesterday following his untimely death at the hands of outraged liturgical dancers.

After being brained by militant, lute-wielding supporters of folk music at Mass, Frederick C. Kelly had a brief meeting with St. Peter, the substance of which was not disclosed. Immediately following the meeting, his soul was declared forfeit and it was delivered into the hands of Satan.

Acting Right Reason editor Luke White was visibly shaken by these events, but promised to "continue the fight against undesirables on this campus anyway."

Kelly himself was unavailable for comment while this story was breaking, as he was busy tearing out his own entrails with his burning hands and watching as demons with spiked tongues devoured them before his eyes.

The future prospects for Kelly are dim as he is expected to spend time everlasting learning new meanings for pain and suffering as he is slowly digested in the belly of an enormous winged devil named Geryon over the course of a thousand millenia.

God declined to comment extensively on the matter, saying only that the decision to condemn Kelly to eternal pain and suffering was "final." Kelly is reported to have a great deal of company in Malebolge, also known as the eighth circle of hell. Fellow Irish journalists Matthew Apple and David McMahon were both there waiting for him. Beelzebub commented on the difficulty of placing Kelly from his dwelling place at the heart of the frozen lake. "With the Jovial Friars seemed good at first," explained his abysmal sublimity Satan, lord of evil, "but then I thought, maybe with Ulysses and the rest of those who counsel fraud; anyway, with some of these souls you just can't miss. In the end, I just put him with the rest." Kelly's punishments so far involve rolling boulders pushed into his chest up against those being rolled by Apple and McMahon. At each collision, they curse each other in vain and then set about colliding again. "Why are you so mean?" Apple cries; "Why are you so stupid?" Kelly roars. As the pain of each collision aggregates, their cries fill with more and more despair. This is expected to continue for eternity. While no verbal remarks from Kelly could be obtained by The Inquisition's exclusive, on the scene reporter, he did gnash his teeth and wail as the agonies of hell washed over him in endless waves of bitterness and hopelessness. Though the specific terms of his unending torment have not been disclosed by Lucifer, it is expected that Kelly will begin writing a bi-monthly column for The Inquisition as soon as he finds the time. Lucifer is a charter subscriber to Right Reason, but has indicated that he wants as many people to get the chance to work for that newspaper as possible.