by James D. O'Reilly '34

Today's Notre Dame student is a whiner. A weakling. A worthless complaining sack of pus. You got that? I am not mincing words here. When I went to Notre Dame we fought hard. We sang the fight song even when our tongues had frozen off in the winter cold. We sang it to our deaths! And it was real winter cold, like we had back in those days. Today's winters aren't as cold and the fans aren't good anymore. They're weak and soft and scared and out of shape and weak and scared. HIKE, HIKE, HIKE FOR VICTORY! Nobody ever gave us anything and we never asked. We didn't know there was anything and we couldn't have afforded it if we did. New air conditioned stadiums for young punk non-fans with metal nose pieces -- I actually saw a ND student with a ring jammed up his nose. You will think I am lying but it is true. When I went to Notre dame a fan would be hauled by his nose off the campus by Father Sorin who came over on the boat from Germany where they had real winters and real fans who were not scared and weak. And what's with this new coach? He is no Knute, I can tell you that. He is not like when Mr. Parchessian coached the team either. No, he could not even play for Mr. Ara's teams. He is too little and scared and weak. He could not have survived the Great War.

I want all nose-ringed students expelled and all of their mothers told to raise new kids. These kids are weak. I want the old stadium and the old fans. I want my hair brushed and I want a new holder for my putty knives. This youth movement has got to stop. HIKE HIKE HIKE -- There are too many buildings on campus these days, tear them down and get good fans to replace them. Some day, the Irish will be strong again and they will win the National Award and I will buy a new putty knife holder to celebrate. But it will never happen with the wimpy coach. He should be ashamed to coach near Frank Leahy's beautiful statue of Coach Leahy, who was our greatest coach in the cold winter days of my attendance of Notre Dame. He should ban himself and nose rings forever and beyond and bring back the days of Coach Parnalee, who is still alive, some people say.