In an announcement that has fired up the entire campus, Ron Powlus has promised not to suck at this week's game.

"I realize that I have sucked in the past, but I am not going to suck anymore," declared Powlus.

Athletic department officials quickly downplayed Powlus' declaration, indicating that while he does not plan to suck this weekend, he may suck, and there is no guarantee he won't start sucking again next week.

Powlus explained that he arrived at this decision during the third quarter of the last home game, when he heard a large group of students chanting, "Hey Ron, don't suck!"

"I just realized it then," said Powlus. "I've been sucking for three years and I shouldn't have been. I'm so glad those students were there to give me the encouragement I needed, when I needed it. It just goes to show, Notre Dame is a family.

"I don't know why I didn't think of it myself," said Head Coach Bob Davie. "It looks like just what the doctor ordered for Ron."

The group of fans could not be identified before we went to press, but the surely feel as if they have done a great service to the University.

Plans are underway next week for signs on the way out of the locker room that build on this principle. Some of the signs will read:

"Hey Rossum, don't suck!"
"Hey Autry, don't suck!"
"Offensive Line, get off your knees! You're blowing the game!"

These signs are sure to spur the Irish forward to victory! GO IRISH!