by Margie Dixon

My dog Roger hasn't been feeling very well lately. He has Articulocardiomyopathy, which is a mouthful, but what it means is, the littlest member of my family needs heart surgery. It scares me to say that sometimes, but you know, I have to face up to this so I can get you to help me save Roger.

Roger may only be a dog, but he is just like a member of the family. In fact, he is a member of the family, more so than my daughter Maggie (the slut). That's why I've founded the "Save Roger" foundation. People just like you can make a contribution to Roger's estimated $78,000 medical bills by sending cash, checks or money orders to 111 Rivendell Road, Brandywine, KY 15464.

You money will help us get Roger into a good doggy heart clinic, where he can get the electrocardiogram he needs so the doctors will know what parts of his heart walls need strengthening. It will take a team of surgeons about four hours to save Roger using grafts from the hearts of Cockneys, but it will be worth it.

I want to take a moment to tell you that Roger is no ordinary dog. We have had him for five years now and sometimes, when he is looking at you, you can just feel how much he loves you. It is very important that we get Roger the medical care he requires so he can keep looking at me and giving me the needed validation I desparately need.

The American center for Pets with Catastrophic Health Care Needs does not receive any government funding. That may surprise you, when the army pays $250 for a hammer, but it is true. Only private contributions from people like you allow American family kittens to get skin grafts, fish to get liver transplants, parkeets to get the nerve regeneration therapy that they require, gerbils to obtain Viagra and dozens of other pet needs. Do you know what it costs to perform arthroscopic surgery on the failing knees of a 14 year old Daschund? I won't tell you. There are so many diseases to fight. No pets have tested positive for HIV yet, but the day will come. Feel free to put on a green ribbon (green is the color of Roger's collar) as a sign of your awareness of canine heart disease. Remember, we can all make a difference in the world if we try. Your donation will fund research that may save other dogs just like Roger (No one can be just like Roger, but one could be almost as special. We have already raised $23,000, but this is not enough for the chemotherapy and special blend Chow that Roger will require for the next three years (21 in doggy years) if he is to stay alive and be a part of our family. Your contributions are essential to helping Roger win his battle against heart cancer. Remember -- without a quadruple bypass, Roger will breathe his last this Friday and the whole world will be poorer. The folks at Ralston Purina have screwed me on this. Please send money now. Roger needs us all. 111 Rivendell Road, Brandywine, KY 15464.