By Feathers Galore

I must say that I was a little disappointed when I realized that my wacky, entertaining and pretty darn cool personality was not going to be the focus of a University Elective. I am so interesting! Now, I am willing to place a rather large wager on the assumption that most people don't give a damn about what I have to say, because of how silly and ditzy my columns are. But you would be wrong, because I am so interesting.

I mean when I go to the hospital, I wear the same clothes everyone wears in the hospital! Can you stand it? I have to be x-rayed because people are looking for whatever it is in my body that makes what I have to say so interesting!

Perhaps I should explain-- you see, I am totally self-absorbed.

Going to the hospital, writing my articles, waking up, falling asleep, eating, whatever I am doing just absolutely fascinates me. It all adds to the exceedingly colorful drama of my twenty-year old existence. Don't you wish your life could be like mine? Call me a silly selfish brat who hasn't had an idea that did not place herself at the center of the known universe for twenty of my twenty years, you still must admit that I am so interesting. Case in point: Last night I had an idea (about myself) and now you are all reading about it, even though it has no conceivable relevance to any part of your life, or anyone else's for that matter. Why should you care? I don't know, I don't have time to think about you because I am too impressed with the deep implications of my latest trip to the bathroom. Truly, my self-absorbtion is not confined to this article. I love myself in so many ways, I almost never have time to think about anything else. I have done many things that millions of other people have done, indeed, things every person does by the time they're twenty, but what you really have to think about, is how interesting they are now that they have finally happened to me! O My God, Wow! Now, don't let forget my philosophical point here, which is that when you are as interesting as I am, you have nothing to worry about in life. As for those less interesting, I can only ask: What could you possibly know about life that I don't?