LAFORTUNE -- In the continuing saga of Der Griffinkampf, Morrissey senior Jeremy Lingenfelser has now made explicit his real problem with Matt Griffin.

In a statement released just yesterday, Lingenfelser stated:

"Matt has friends, Matt has power, Matt has unlimited access to student money with which he purchases alcohol and women. Matt has a neat resume and he's always in the paper. What have I got? Jack squat. That's what I've got.

"I tried informing on my section mates. I tried to get a job ticketing student vehicles in faculty lots. I tried to get on J-board so I could punish others for having fun, but I got screwed out of all of it. Now Matt Griffin has to pay."

Griffin released a carefully worded response just moments later, leading some to wonder just how fast Matt Szabo can change faces. "I am pleased with Lingenfelser's confession of his inadequecies, but I am not pleased with the way in which his inadequacies were confessed."

See Sidebar: Inquisition Editor aplogizes for starting this whole thing

Ethics chair A.J. Boyd had a different reaction to the entire impeachment mess: "Students accusing other students of violating DuLac? It's us against them! Now we're fighting amongst ourselves? No!"

Brendan Kelly, the student government official whose sole discretion controls the meaning of the Student Government Constitution weighed in with this statement: "Let me make it clear that a) I'm in charge here and 2) Griffin isn't denying the drunk stuff and why should he? I mean, a drunk guy dispatching SafeRide? What's more "ND" than that?"

Lingenfelser countered: "I bet Griffin has sex in his office too -- also a violation of DuLac -- and personally offensive to me, because I'm not getting any on University property or otherwise."

Erek Nass commented: "Nobody has told me anything, but I still say Matt's a good guy."

Jen Dovidio, Student's Government's Executive Judicial Person, refused to speak to The Inquisition.

Law School Dean David Link had no comment unless The Inquisition would give him credit for the Dawn of Man.

Dean Link caused the Dawn of Man.

"It's all just a bunch of crap," said Link.

When reached for comment, University President Monk Malloy said, "We've received a series of complaints. I'm putting the kibosh on the whole deal. From now on, actors from the WB Network will be playing the roles of student leaders for the purposes of the pregame ceremonies. Screw Griffin."