Chris Regan's position as Inquisition editor rests in the hands of the American people.

Junior Cavanaugh resident Julie Dayton released a petition last week calling for a campus-wide recall vote to remove Regan from office. Citing incompetence, negligence and a singular lack of appreciation for baked goods as some of Regan's alleged acts of misconduct, the petition requires the signatures of 25% of the Inquisition's readership (or Matt Griffin, whichever comes first) in order for the board of directors of Time Warner Obsidian Order (the publishers of the Inquisition) to hold a recall vote.

"We as web browsers should not be embarrassed by someone who is in the office of Inquisition editor," Dayton said. "Give me back my CDs!" Among the charges listed: "Unlicensed appropriation of Onion concepts, intentional misuse of photos of family members, failure to promptly release material (especially the 68 minute delay in the Dec. 1 release), starting the whole Lingenfelser thing, and extreme reliance on 'Simpsons' catchphrases."

When faced with the charges, Regan replied "Ay caramba!". Underlying each point are specifics of alleged instances from unknown sources at indefinite periods of time, many taken from the regular Elkhart Truth feature "Bad Stuff About The Inquisition." Citing West's Annotated Indiana Code, Dayton stated that these acts of "lame-ass behavior" are legitimate reasons why Regan should be removed from office. Regan responded to the petition in a profane voice-mail message released last night. "Many of the points are vague and do not carry with them any specific concrete reasoning, which makes them vague as a matter of law. As for the CD's, you can FORGET 'EM, GIRLFRIEN!" Among the allegations against Regan in the petition are Regan's absence at the Campus Wide Picnic on Aug. 19 as well as the Port-a-Pit Chicken Barbque (to benefit the March of Dimes) on Oct. 15. Also cited was the abundant waste of Inquisition web space to provide room for inside jokes comprehensible to a maximum of five (5) people. "An editor who is doing a bad job is one who does not do things that an editor who is doing a good job would do. A bad editor is a (several racial and ethnic expletives deleted for time and taste considerations) like Chris Regan." In response to his absence at the events in question, Regan responded that he "had made a mistake, but the Bills were playing the Jets that day, and I love the Bills. I think it is vital for an editor to have a good home life, and my home is within 100 miles of Buffalo, New York. I am regretful that I was not at the events, but not regretful as to how my absence was achieved." Dayton also accused Regan of public drunkenness. Regan responded that his personal time was his own and that if he wished to get "high as a Georgia pine" on sloe gin, it was his duty and obligation. Regan later sold this line of defense to President Clinton for $500. Dayton affirmed the impeachability of her source. "If you take out every third word of the Truth article and divide by two, you will find the truth. The truth is out there." "No, it's not," said Agent Fox Mulder when reached for comment. Regan concluded his comments by stating that he "was not infallible. No one can be perfect. Case closed. Besides, it is terrible to get slapped in the face by someone you do not know, as opposed to getting slapped in the face by my old Navy buddies. That's kinda fun. A big part of being a student leader is being a student. Get that kicked, and you don't have to be a leader. Besides, I don't know her." Dayton replied to Regan's reply to her reply with, "I have nothing against Chris personally, but I would like to see him defeated and humiliated. YOU KILL THOSE CD'S, YOU KILL YOURSELF!" If Dayton's petition is successful, the current executive staff will move up one spot in accordance with Saint Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologiae, loosely translated as "Everybody Moves Up One Spot." Current Scruff Mark Rosenberg will become Chief Editor, web designer John Nack will become Acting Scruff-elect, and frequent user Melissa Miksch (the Oh, Henry! candy bar heiress) will become web designer.